The divorce process is daunting, emotionally taxing and full of unknowns. You can’t predict everything that’s headed your way, but you can prepare yourself with some basic and essential first steps. These steps include building a team of trusted advisors who can support you as a resource and by guiding you through the process.
While the specific steps can differ based on your location and situation, I wrote this article to share the common actions that I believe should be taken once a divorce becomes imminent. Hopefully this guidance offers you some insight and motivation if you find yourself in a similar situation.
First things first. Surround yourself with experienced professionals who can guide you. These are my thoughts about assembling your team as you prepare for your divorce:
Divorce attorney: Before you start researching names for a divorce attorney, think about what type of divorce you want to have. Do you communicate well with your spouse? Are there young children involved? Is there an imbalance of power in your marriage? The answers to these questions can help you decide on the right attorney for YOUR divorce.
Hiring an attorney with a reputation for being “tough” may inflame the situation and result in an unnecessarily acrimonious divorce. In an amicable divorce, mediation may be a more appropriate (and less expensive) path. In this situation you may be better served by an attorney who has a reputation for working well with others in their profession. Alternatively, if there is an imbalance of power, hiring an attorney who will protect the weaker spouse may be more advantageous.
Your divorce attorney can guide you through the court system, assist you in understanding your rights and obligations, and help you negotiate a fair settlement. While a divorce attorney can defend your rights and interests throughout the divorce process, it’s important to also educate yourself. Solely relying on your attorney to educate you can be costly.
Financial advisor: An invaluable part of the process is a financial advisor who can run cash-flow projections based on divorce settlement proposals. They can take the dollars and percentages in a proposal and turn them into real-world scenarios that demonstrate the long-term financial impact of each consideration.
If you or your spouse has a complicated employee compensation structure, liquid and illiquid assets, private equity or other hard to value assets, I highly recommend involving a financial advisor who has experience with divorce.
Mental health professionals: In addition to other advisors, your team might also include mental health coaches.
Mental health professionals can provide a safe environment for developing coping strategies, processing emotions, and addressing the emotional challenges that often arise during divorce. Therapists can help you understand how to communicate clearly, understand your feelings, and navigate the challenges of divorce with more resilience.
By collaborating with a mental health specialist, you may develop stronger relationships in the future, acquire insightful knowledge, and potentially boost your self-esteem.
While staying focused on your goals during the first steps of divorce is important, it’s also something you should strive toward throughout the entirety of the process.
One way to do this is to create a clear and feasible plan. Prioritize your goals according to significance and break them down into smaller, more manageable steps. This can help you stay organized and avoid feeling overwhelmed.
As the divorce process develops and decisions begin to mount, it’s common to feel stuck, unable to proceed with even the smallest of decisions. Lean on your team to help you move forward, remember you’ve carefully hand selected each individual to play a role, let them play it.
Maintaining focus on your goals will empower you to take charge of your future and make the right choices for your individual situation.
This is likely the most important financial transaction of your life. Remain present, composed, and focused on your goals and objectives.
Our team at TFC Financial Management understands that the financial management process is personal. When you approach a major life transition like divorce, you face critical and complex decisions. An effective relationship with us is one in which we help you reduce your fears and gain confidence to meet (or exceed) your goals.
If you’d like to schedule a meeting, we invite you to call (617) 210-6738 or email tgrimm@tfcfinancial.com
Toni Grimm joined TFC Financial Management in 2021. Toni works closely with a select group of the firm’s clients and their families, providing comprehensive financial planning advice and experienced guidance. She participates in the firm’s financial planning and portfolio review process.
Prior to joining TFC Financial Management, Toni was the Director of Financial Planning, Divorce Planning and a Client Advisor at Sandy Cove Advisors, LLC, where she worked with high-net-worth individuals and families to develop and implement comprehensive financial and investment plans. She also provided direction relative to divorce planning, which included providing guidance and support prior to and following a divorce.
Toni’s previous experience also includes working as a Senior Sales Associate at BNY Mellon Wealth Management, which consisted of servicing clients and prospects, providing support to sales officers with high-net-worth clients, and analyzing prospect portfolios.
Toni received her Bachelor of Arts in Journalism from Lehigh University. Toni is a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER® practitioner, as well as a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®. Toni is a member of the Boston Estate Planning Council and the Institute of Divorce Financial Analysts.
Toni lives in Hingham with her four children, who are in various stages of going away to school. She enjoys the Cape in the summers and the occasional winter trip to Naples, Florida. Toni was a volunteer coach for Hingham Girls Youth Lacrosse for 10 + years. She is active with Big Sister Boston, currently a mentor to a Big Sister, and serving on the Directors Advisory Board.
